Spring 1992
When money is scarce at the end of the month the boys in brown
and black boots pay particular attention to bikers.
Not hundreds but thousands of bikers ply the streets and lanes
of this city; some are couriers, some taxis – one passenger but on occasion
i’ve seen two – and others use their bikes to get to and from work, the quickest
way to travel here as they can weave among the cars and always be on the front
row of the grid when the lights turn green. At any major intersection the noise is
deafening as they roar away and the fumes overwhelming.
Two nights each month the boys in brown set up roadblocks to check for
broken lights and faulty brakes but their main interest is driving licences.
The bikers do their best to dodge the blocks but with so many of them on the
streets and no warning where the blocks are going to be hundreds of them
get stopped.
I have a regular bike taxi who takes me to the train station in double
quick time whenever i’m going south and he tells me he’s been stopped
five times in two years and considers that very good odds. Some of his friends
haven’t been as lucky and one in particular has been stopped more than twenty
times. He now takes the bus at the end of the month.
My taximan says the easiest way to handle being stopped is to keep a 100 baht
note in his licence. It saves time. Once when i asked him if the boys in brown
actually check lights and brakes he looked at me and smiled. He told me, too,
he’s sure the boys in brown have a strict rule among themselves – all fines are
divided equally. Honour…
It was three in the morning, in fact a bit after three, and i was sitting at a mobile
soup kitchen on Silom Road having a bowl of hot ‘n’ sour, a great tonic after
a night on the town. The road was quiet, only a few tuc-tuc cruising up and down
on the lookout for late night stragglers like myself who wanted to go home at last
but the footpath had a fair share of passers-by even at that hour and they included
a few ring-through-the-nose packpackers who must’ve fallen off a cheap flight
from somewhere in Europe. How they ended up on Silom Road at that hour is
beyond me but they were there.
I was enjoying the soup and entering recovery mode when i noticed two ladies
of the night, one tall and the other not so tall, had stopped close to my table and
were eyeing me. This is all i need, i said to myself.
They came over and the tall one said, ‘Excuse me, Sir, we like ask something,’ and
the two of them sat. The voice was deep, the faces strong and heavily made up and i realised they were special ladies. I said and did nothing and the tall one drew from his cleavage a one-hundred dollar bill and showed it to me.
‘A nice man pay us,’ he said, ‘for going his hotel with him. He is generous, yes?’
I nodded because i knew he wanted me to agree.
‘But we sit with you, Sir, not to tell this but for another reason, we need your help,’ and he took from his cleavage wads of notes and handed them to me.
‘Can you tell, Sir, what these are and how much they are. We not see this money before. You see it before, Sir? Is good money?’
I flattened the notes out and said, ‘They’re dirhams.’
‘What?’
‘Dirhams, the currency of the UAE.’
‘You see this money before and it is good?’
‘Yes, it’s the money they use in Dubai and Abu Dhabi.’
‘And it is good?’
‘It’s perfectly good money.’
He smiled and said, ‘The man say he is from Dubai. He is a nice man, Sir,
and nice in bed, he like the two of us very much.’
I ignored the too much information and counted the money.
‘How much is it, Sir? In US dollar, how much?’
I made a rough calculation and said, ‘A lot.’
‘How much?’
‘About three thousand dollars.’
‘Three hundred, no?’
‘No, about three thousand.’
‘You sure?’
‘Yes, sure. Three thousand.’
He translated for his not so tall companion and the two of them let out a series of whoops that caused the soup lady to leap out of her flip-flops and every window
on Silom Road to rattle and a few to crack. When they calmed down the tall one
asked me, ‘And this money is good?’
‘Yes, it’s good money.’
‘If we take it to the bank we have a problem? Will the bank change to baht?’
‘I don’t see why not.’
‘No problem?’
‘No problem. The banks here are used to changing dirhams and Saudi riyals
and Kuwaiti dinars, they handle Middle East money all the time.’
‘You sure?’
‘Absolutely sure.’
He took the dirhams very gently from my hands, folded them and put them back
in his cleavage. I was tempted to ask how he got hold of them but i didn’t have to.
‘We take from the drawer at his bed when he have a shower,’ he said ‘and we run.
He is a nice man, a good kisser and we feel bad but we need money.’
He stood up and his companion stood, too.
‘Thank you very much, Sir, for your help. You a nice man, too.’
The pair brought their hands together in that loveliest of Thai gestures, a wai,
and bowed their heads. In a few strides they were on the road, had flagged
a tuc-tuc and were gone.
I went back to my now cold soup and only then did i notice the one hundred
dollar bill under the bowl. How he managed to put it there without my
seeing i’ll never know. But he did. Payment i suppose for financial services
rendered.
johnpoetflanagan 
The original owner of the money should have learned a valuable lesson!
Great story – thanks for sharing. I’m still chuckling about the ‘special ladies.’
Yes, those ‘special ladies’ are a law unto themselves.
I was wondering afterwards how the man from Dubai would cope, would probably have to ask a friend for some money to tide him over.
Thank You for reading and I’m glad you enjoyed it, Alicia.
My best to you
John
A total delight!
Thank You, Cynthia, for such a positive response.
A big hug to you
John
If there was but one currency for that universal industry it would all be much easier to conduct the unseemly financial parts. 🙂
Yes, it would indeed but it mightn’t be as much fun.
Thank You very much for the response.
Best Wishes
John
Another very engaging tale.
Dennis,
Thank You
Love and Peace
John
🙂 Great story John! These ladyboys were generous when they had money 😉
Yes, Indah, they certainly were.
And although I was skeptical of their intentions at the beginning I had to smile..not that I condone robbery but people take risks and pay the price.
You, Friend, are such support!
Big hugs
John
Good one, John!
Happy you enjoyed it, Bruce.
Always with my best
John
Oh, you have a wonderful way with prose, love your anecdotes, could listen (well, read) them over and over.
Holly,
So good of you and I’m happy you like the little ‘adventures’
Huge hugs
John
Thank you for taking us back with you…amazing, John.
My pleasure, Audrey, and always a real pleasure to receive your comments.
Hugs and more hugs
John
😉 I’ll take those, thank you, John.
Great story John…I was laughing as you described the two of them….I just knew where that was going:)
So glad, Kirt, you liked it and thank You for the praise.
Best Wishes
John
fab story…(u r good at telling them)
Gav,
Thank You very much
Always
John
There is something quite sad about this, John, not least because I guess that, to some degree, this situation exists across the globe. Infectious writing – thank you.
Best wishes. Chris.
Chris,
You’re right, there is something sad about it all, how we use one another in different ways in our little struggles to survive but it’s all part of the fabric and colour of our human frailties.
I always enjoy and appreciate your thoughtful responses.
John
Filled with humor and you’ve managed to drizzle the nitty-gritty aspects of the pragmatic essentials of survival in the culture and expressed them interestingly. When life deals out nasty blows it is a fair wager it will be at the hands of our fellow man. Marvelous story written with all the hues your artistic ability possesses. I am ready for another
Jon, My Friend,
Another warm and highly articulate response for which I’ m truly grateful. I’m happy you enjoyed these two episodes in the life of an expat in Thailand; one thing’s for sure about Bkk, it was never dull.
Ever Your Friend
John
John, this is hilarious, what a fabulously entertaining story, captured and told as only you could. For some reason I see you sitting there most matter of fact, tolerating the intrusion, (maybe taking it all in with amazement) and so graciously answering and helping these two “special ladies”. The tip left behind, most well deserved! Have a wonderful weekend!
Warm wishes,
Pepper
Pepper,
Thank You so much.
You have a wonderful weekend, too.
My best to you
John
Quite a gauntlet the bikers had to run! But nice that the boys in brown divided the fines equally–good one! My favorite line: “…i realized they were special ladies.” 🙂
Sometimes, Willow, from the bus I’d see the roadblocks – all traffic waved on except bikes.
Yes, the ‘special ladies’ were indeed that!
My best to You, Friend.
John
Such a bittersweet development to the story of those two ladies. I find it scary how sweet and polite they are despite what they did. Survival of the fittest, I suppose, or in the case the prettiest. I enjoyed the story very much John, and the one about the bikers as well. Cheers.
A very astute comment on the sweetness of the ‘ladies’ Halim.
Thank You so much for reading and responding.
My best to you
John
The base line is that there’s little difference between species…..except we’ve had to introduce ‘boys in brown’ or their equivalent. And I can only imagine the Middle Eastern guy simply went to the bank in the morning and withdrew another 3,000 for that day’s expenses.
Thank you again for the memories….in particular this time, the bikes and tuc-tucs.
Robyn,
Happy you enjoyed the stories and the revival of memories for you.
My best to you
John
Just always sad to compare memories with present day situation. Thank you.
Always delight to learn from you! A treat to read.. Fabulous creation Big Brother!! Hats Off.. I wish to see more stories like this in future.
Be Bettr, Stay Bettr!! 😀
Swetank.
Brother Swetank,
Your response always cheers me and makes the effort worth it.
There are a few more stories in the old notebooks and in the memory and in time I’ll dig them out.
Best to You
John
I’m glad they were nice special ladies. I was afraid they picked your pocket while you examined their stolen cash.
So polite and friendly, Myra, I never felt in any way threatened or compromised and the ‘payment’ at the end was quite a surprise.
Big hugs
John
You earned that 100 dollars, good on ya! The end of the month roadblocks, the bikers must hate them
Another great offering, Sir
Harry
I suppose I did, Harry, and the meeting was interesting to say the least! Yes, the poor ole bikers.
Love to You and Winnie.
Fabulous story. …… you are a amazing Narrator. …
Thank You, Chitra, thank you very much.
My very best to you
John
John, as always, your written word is delightful, worldly and ever the charm of humorous nuance.
Thank You, Don, thank you very much.
You are marvelous support to me.
Ever with my best
John