101 jots – (li – lx)

(li)

People say I wasted my money.
I say 90 per cent went on women, fast cars and booze;
the rest I wasted.

George Best

(lii)

Patients don’t die in hospital at the weekend,
there’s not enough staff on duty.

(liii)

You have the wrong name,
you’re the wrong colour and you dress funny.
Your profile’s not to our liking.

(liv)

I cannot choose one hundred best books
because I have written only five.

Oscar Wilde

(lv)

There’s only one superpower
and it’s not India, China, America or Russia;

it’s a tiny state
that does as it likes and answers to no one.

(lvi)

The insurance man told me the accident policy
covered falling off the roof but not hitting the ground.

Tommy Cooper

(lvii)

Two skeletons copulating on a tin roof in a thunderstorm

Thomas Beecham describing the sound of the harpsichord

(lviii)

Shit, mother, i can’t dance.
Vulgarism expressing personal incompetence.
Were it, ‘Dance, mother, i can’t shit’ we’d be in the realms of magic and ritual.
Picture your mother in flamingo-feather headdress and natural fabric loincloth prancing around the room in an attempt to expedite your motion.
Chilling.

(lix)

Perfection has one major drawback – it’s boring.

(lx)

We don’t mind admitting it, George was right.
We watch you and listen to you all the time,
and when judges and others tell us stop, we don’t.
National security and all that.

18 thoughts on “101 jots – (li – lx)

  1. Brother John –
    Enjoy your jots. Always something to laugh at and to ponder. Especially liked this vivid description,

    “Two skeletons copulating on a tin roof in a thunderstorm

    Thoms Beecham describing the sound of the harpsichord”

    It ranks right up there with Pete Rose’s description of Phil Niekro’s knukleball,

    “It’s like trying to hit a butterfly with the hiccups.”

  2. Gorgeous little gems. Small, perfectly formed. Perfect commentaries on social, literary/artistic, political, corporate and, above all, human foibles, failings and fragility. I especially love (liv) and lix).

  3. lvi is my favorite for the great truth it reveals regarding insurance companies. They take your money and in return they give you a piece of paper! Ponzi and Bernie Madoff were mere pikers relative to the insurance companies because they rob you legally! Ever your friend Jon Michael

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