walking down the street
the kind girls like to meet
Tell me, Macho Man,
confidential like, just between us men,
is that great burden that makes walking so difficult
a pouch or a gift of Nature?
You have no idea what it cost to keep the old man in poverty.
Mountbatten on Gandhi
When we lived in India, my parents were oblivious to
everything Indian except their servants.
The English in Burma, Malaysia, Kenya and Rhodesia
were oblivious, too, but to be fair
one or two knew one or two of the servants’ names.
Baby and Child Care –
questions parents ask and unsuitable answers:
Q. What would cause my child’s bowel movements to turn green?
A. Listening to Barry Manilow.
Q. What can i give my infant for constipation?
A. A really good fright.
Q. How can i get my 11-year-old son to eat vegetables?
A. Tell him if he doesn’t you’ll send him to be an altar boy.
rhymes with ‘bright’
plus like wicked bad like
like when you have the flu
what you feel like like
I’ve never had a problem with drugs.
I’ve had problems with the police.
BREAKING NEWS BREAKING NEWS
Well, i don’t actually break it,
my masters upstairs do that,
they break it and re-shape it to suit their agenda.
I’m just the front with the shiny legs and perfect teeth
you’re expected to take seriously.
News doesn’t happen at weekends,
TV channels have only a skeleton staff.
An afternoon garden party is without character
until it’s ruined by a good shower of rain.
We gamble your money
and when we lose it you bail us out
because we’re too big to fail.
Call us irresponsible, call us unreliable
and call us names like banksta and thief – we don’t mind.
As long as you don’t have the guts to put us in jail
we’ll go on being masters of the universe.
btw, now that we’re in the black again
we’re awarding ourselves bonuses.
And just for the record, we walk on water.