an archbishop humane and refined
caught with his hand on a young person’s behind
said: ‘the archbishopric’s such
we must keep in touch
with the keenly felt needs of mankind’

(the last of the limericks…for now)

concern for the curate of Cahir
mounted daily as he mounted the chair
the housekeeper’s cat
the monsignor’s hat
and the bishop’s rump steak medium rare

hoots whistles yells and catcalls
egged the stars in the old music halls
to exhibit their wares
to the toffs sat upstairs
and their bums to the plebs in the stalls

the ‘different’ new vicar of Birr
caused more than a flutter and stir
when invited to tea
by the straight-laced PP
he showed up in a jockstrap of fur

A Berliner hausfrau Brünnhilde
cried ‘Himmel!’ when an überstud filled ‘er
from Mannheim to München
with his blue-blooded truncheon
Blitzkrieger! Mein Gott! he near killed ‘er

Jocasta the mother of Oedipus
reprimanded her son’s fat and greedy puss
for killing her rabbits
said cat: ‘one of my habits
though not an Oedipus i am a needy puss’

Belle’s bustline when measured in metric
excited English tailor McGettrick
‘The French at their best
so broaden the chest
they make inches below do a wet trick’

a champion against human folly
by the name of Sir Reginald Jolly
the rain would defy
by remaining quite dry
under mackintosh bowler and brolly

Mercedes Matilda Bryce-Smith
is remembered by kin and kith
as the too daring minx
who accommodated the Sphinx
by length elevation and width

P. Picasso while painting pubescents
sensed a surge in his senile excrescence
and abandoned his toils
for venereal spoils
to be thwarted by sad obsolescence